Eulogy - I Burn in the Fire of Love, Pt. 3
New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” - Lao Tzu
As an INFP*, processing takes time, vulnerability difficult and a need for deep connection ever present. However, telling stories encourages healing through catharsis, perhaps creates new bonds, and potentially coaxes someone touched by the similarity of their story to take action. I am not sad. My core self bubbles with happiness, especially when I feel purpose and feel needed. For me, my last two narratives set the stage for explaining what I hope we can all get to in this lifetime: Unconditional Love. This is not just an ending. This is a beginning.
My mentor, Judith Froemming, describes unconditional love like this:
Is the ability
To allow myself
To be exactly who I am
And where I Am,
In any given moment,
Which creates the awareness
To allow you
To be exactly who you are
And where you are,
In any given moment,
I am an Unconditional Lover. Often, I will simply say,
I am a Lover.
Getting back to this place took waking up. A process that looks like destruction...because it is. Think of what a planted seed does to turn itself into a whichever plant is its destiny. The seed becomes buried in dirt with no light. This seed transforms itself from the inside and breaks its home apart. Let’s no longer focus on the shadows of the past as they cause guilt and regret; nor, on the potential worries of the future which cause anxiety. What does a sprouted seedling of a self mean for my today?
Faith. Not in a God here to save me. Nor in any deity. Not in any one human. Faith in a simple truth…
that nothing happens TO me; everything happens FOR me. Tears, happiness, sorrow, joy, loss, gain, elation, grief, satisfaction, dissapointemnt, etc. all are gifts for me to unwrap and discover with curiosity and delight. Yes, I can delight in the spectrum of feelings because I am learning they are not me. I am Unconditional Love.
My trip to Bali became the turning point of 2018; a year which has challenged me and my lover-nature to the very core. Travel, the freedom of the wind in my hair (well, under my Dark Helmet) and no agenda, reminded me: everyday is a GIFT. All of the many days this year where I just shut my curtains to cry in peace helped me to be able to see how much joy, an inconceivable amount of joy, my life entails. Not because I have more things than other people, or less, more friends or easier job, just because. Just because. I’m so grateful.
Committing to be an unconditional lover takes bravery at first. After the courage needed to stay in this open and vulnerable place comes from a wellspring in our soul filled with enough Love to smile at every challenge. We each have an infinite reserve of Love.
“The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire. Your essence is gold hidden in dust, To reveal its splendor you need to burn in the fire of love. - Rumi
I burn in the fire of Love.
I am Freya.
*my favorite site for all things introvert related : introvertdear.com